Understanding the Psychology of Adult Relationships

Relationships are a part of all our lives – they start from the time we’re born and continue till the day we die. Over the course of our life, we forge various kinds of bonds – some are familial ties that we have no control over, others are the ones that we seek out in the form of friends, lovers and spouses. Some people are great at them, and others just seem to screw up every time. So what is it about relationships that make them defining aspects of our lives? Why does everything else in life revolve around our relationships? Why do our moods and emotions, our character and conduct, and our behavior and attitude, depend on the nature of our relationships?

Relationships matter because we are not islands; man is by nature a social creature, dependent on the people he lives and works with. However, on the other side of the coin, relationships are also the reason for our despair and agony, our angst and sorrow. They drive us to the depths of sadness, and sometimes even to the end of life. Why does something that is so essential in life swing so violently between the extreme ends of emotions? And most important of all, why cannot we control our emotions and do what it takes to maintain healthy relationships throughout our lives?

The problem with love and other extreme emotions is that they drive out maturity and rationality; when people fall in love or enter into relationships, physical and emotional feelings drive them deeper and deeper into each other. At some point of time, the physical need peters out, and if you’re not emotionally strong, the relationship falls flat. Either one or both of you are unsatisfied, and you awaken to the realities around you and let other aspects of your life affect your relationship (work issues, money problems and spillovers from other relationships in your life). Third parties could also enter the picture and the rift widens. And finally, the emotional and physical bond you once so treasured is shattered and broken into pieces that cannot ever be put together the same way again.
Only a handful of people are able to make their relationships work – only because they understand that the key word when it comes to relationship success is “work”. Adult relationships are the sum total of your entire life so far – you use your prior experience to survive and grow in each new relationship, and if you have enough common sense, you soon learn that the only way to make relationships work is to give as much as you take, to satisfy expectations as much as you expect, and to focus on the positive and forget the negative. Relationships have to be “worked” on, constantly and continuously. The changing dynamics of relationships as time goes by makes this a big challenge; however, if you know what needs to be done and are willing to do it, there’s no reason why you cannot enjoy a successful, fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

This guest post is contributed by Abby Nelson, she writes on the topic of Masters in Counseling. She welcomes your comments at her email: abby.85nelson@gmail.com.